


Don't Drink the Coffee

by Stella_Malodi



Series: Silly Words for the Silly Soul(mate fic) [9]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Adorable Steve Rogers, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Awesome Darcy Lewis, Awesome Pepper Potts, Coffee, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Kittens, Meet-Cute, Pepper Potts Is a Good Bro, Pranks, Revenge, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Scientist Wrangler Darcy Lewis, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 20:49:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5389775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stella_Malodi/pseuds/Stella_Malodi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But <em>do</em> pet the kitten.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Laxatives: juvenile? Probably. </p>
<p>Effective? Not immediately, but then, Dr. Jerkface was pretty slow, for a genius. </p>
<p>Satisfying? Absolutely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Drink the Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> This one was a prompt from RageQueen89: "You are adorable and I want ten of you."
> 
> Friendly Reminder: In this Soulmate AU, everyone is born with a tattoo of the first words their Soulmate will say to them. Showing or telling anyone what it says is a big taboo.

Little Steve Rogers had not particularly _appreciated_ his Soulmark. In fact, it had given him a bit of a chip on his shoulder.

Big Steve Rogers had just been confused by it. Because, really?

Who called a super-soldier ‘adorable’?

 

* * *

 

Darcy was new to the Tower. Well, new- _ish_. Well, okay, she’d been there for nearly a year, but she’d only just been granted access to the Avengers’ levels.

Which, hey, _totally_ reasonable. Or at least understandable. Yeah, Thor vouched for her, but Thor would have vouched for Loki, too, before he went insane and tried to conquer Earth. So, she could understand why they might not _immediately_ trust his judgement.

Plus, she hadn’t gotten a place at the Tower because of her _own_ awesomeness. Well, she _had_ … but it was more that Jane knew her awesomeness and insisted that she come along, rather than that the Powers That Be (i.e. Pepper Potts and/or Tony Stark… or possibly Captain America… or SHIELD… or—okay, so she wasn’t exactly sure who the Powers That Be were) recognizing it and recruiting her. She _got_ why Jane’s tag-along wasn’t welcomed with open arms into the Inner Circle. Not that she was _un_ welcome, exactly, just… a little… excluded. 

Or, well, completely ostracized.

It was made very clear to her very early on that she was “unqualified as Dr. Foster’s assistant,” and that they were “just humoring Dr. Foster and Thor” when they allowed her to work in the labs. And when she said that it was ‘made very clear to her?’ Yeah, she meant the jerkface scientist who was Jane’s ‘head assistant’ had said that to her face.

The thing was? Stark had seen it happen, and he’d said _nothing_. So, yeah, she took it as probably 90% truth. Or, well, 100% truth, but truth that _ought_ to have been left unsaid.

Particularly to the girl who was in charge of the coffee.

Laxatives: juvenile? Probably. Effective? Not immediately, but then, Dr. Jerkface was pretty slow, for a genius. Satisfying? Absolutely.

The pattern of ostracism and laxative-laced retribution went on for about four months before taking a sudden and unexpected turn for the better.

 

* * *

 

Darcy walked into Stark’s lab and handed him the cup of coffee he’d asked for (demanded). However, instead of leaving as she usually did, she waited, and watched him drink it.

He noticed her when he was about three-quarters of the way through it. “Lewis? What are you still doing here?”

“You’ve been awake for fifty-two hours; in my experience, things start blowing up around geniuses who Science! after hour sixty.”

“In your _vast_ experience?”

“Yes, in my _vast_ experience. I’ve learned to take precautionary measures, to avoid explosions.”

“What _sort_ of ‘precautionary measures?’”

“I put a sedative in your coffee,” she said bluntly. “It’ll knock you out for about twelve hours, give or take—but not so deeply asleep that you won’t be able to wake up if you have a nightmare. I’m not an _idiot_ , Stark.” 

“And _why_ did you feel the need to drug my coffee?”

“I already told you: explosion prevention.” She paused. “You should be feeling that sedative kick in any time now.” Right on cue, he swayed on his feet. “Come on. Let’s get you into your bed; I don’t want to have to drag your unconscious butt anywhere.”

She pulled his arm across her shoulders, supporting roughly half his weight as they made their way to the elevator.

“You’re gonna be so fired,” he slurred. “Pepper’s gonna fire you so hard.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Come on, into the elevator with you.”

“I’m sorry, Miss Lewis, but you do not have permission to access the upper levels of the Tower.”

“Will it help if I promise to stay in the elevator? I just want to be sure he actually makes it home before he passes out.”

The AI hesitated a moment, then said, “That is acceptable, Miss Lewis.”

“Alright, then. Is Ms. Potts going to want to talk to me tonight, or tomorrow?”

“Tonight, I believe; she is currently in Mr. Stark’s suite, and I have alerted her to the situation.”

When the elevator doors swung open, Pepper Potts was standing there, holding a gun and looking terrifying. When she spoke, her voice was calm. “JARVIS tells me you drugged Tony?”

Darcy did her best to hold up both hands in an ‘I am unarmed’ gesture while still supporting Tony. “Nothing harmful, I promise. Why don’t you get him into bed and then I can explain? I’ll hang out in the elevator—JARVIS will make sure of it.”

“I will indeed, Ms. Potts, Ms. Lewis.”

Ms. Potts nodded her agreement and holstered her gun.

Darcy removed the semi-conscious Tony’s arm from around her shoulders and (gently) pushed him in Ms. Potts’ direction. The elevator doors closed behind Tony, and Darcy sat on the floor.

After a few minutes, JARVIS spoke. “Ms. Lewis, I have been analyzing the coffee you gave to Mr. Stark. None of the common sedatives are present; if I may ask, what did you put in it?”

Darcy grinned. “Never underestimate the power of suggestion, JARVIS.”

The doors opened again, to reveal Ms. Potts. The gun was out again, but it was pointed at the ground. “Explain. Now.”

“It wasn’t drugged,” she replied immediately. “He’s been awake for fifty-two hours; at hour forty-eight, I started giving him decaf. A few minutes ago, I gave him another cup, but I stayed and watched him drink it. He noticed I was still there and asked me why.” She shrugged. “Talking to me got him disengaged from the Science! long enough for him to start feeling how tired he actually was; telling him he’d been given a sedative made him feel even more tired, because he _expected_ to feel tired.”

Ms. Potts blinked. “JARVIS?”

If Darcy wasn’t much mistaken, the AI sounded impressed. “I cannot detect any sedatives of any kind, nor any other poisons. It appears to simply be decaffeinated coffee, as she says.”

“So you…”

“Tricked him into going to bed, yes. I told him it would last twelve hours, but that he’d be able to wake up if he had a nightmare. So, with any luck, he’ll get a good night’s sleep tonight.”

Ms. Potts holstered her gun and smiled at Darcy. “Ms. Lewis, I couldn’t have done it better myself. How do you feel about doing this regularly? You would be compensated, of course.”

“You want to hire me to be Stark’s babysitter?”

“Yes.”

Darcy shrugged. “As long as I can stay on with Jane, sure. I can look after two mad scientists as well as I can look after one.”

“What about three?”

“Depends on who it is. I’ve been around Stark enough to know what he needs and how to handle him, but…”

“I was thinking of Dr. Banner. He goes through assistants rather… quickly. He’s better than Tony about taking care of himself, but he could still use some help, and he’s not getting it.”

“With the understanding that I’m not a scientist-scientist… sure.”

“Excellent. I’ll talk to HR tomorrow; they should have a contract ready by the end of the day, or the day after, at the latest.”

Darcy smiled. “Who knew not drugging Tony Stark would get me a promotion?”

Ms. Potts laughed. “I think I’m going to like you, Ms. Lewis.”

 

* * *

 

After that, things started to change. Darcy got the job title Laboratory Supervisor. Dr. Jerkface finally got a clue and asked for a transfer. (“How did you even _get_ a job like this?” A scoff. “I suppose you made use of your… assets.” “Actually, I impressed Pepper Potts by drugging Tony’s coffee.” A suspicious glance at his own coffee. A wicked grin. “Do you need to go to the bathroom, Doctor?”)

Tony had squinted suspiciously at her for a couple of days before giving in and accepting that she was actually pretty awesome. (“So what made you change your mind?” “Pepper likes you.” “Oh. Okay.” “Lewis, are you _blushing_?” “Shut up.” “I don’t think Pepper swings—” “ _Shut up._ ” “I’m just saying—” “That’s it, Science! is canceled for the day.” “What! You can’t just—” “Want me to make it a week?” “...shutting up now.”)

Bruce was easy to work with. He was very conscientious about eating and sleeping regularly; what he really needed was someone to keep his lab—in particular his lab _notes_ —organized. Darcy could organize like a pro (because she totally _was_ a pro), so that was no problem. She had a good system already set up with Jane; it just required a little tweaking to suit Bruce. After that, they fell into an easy, if rather formal, working relationship.

It took longer to actually befriend Bruce, but she was determined to do it. And Darcy was nothing if not stubborn.

(As it turned out, all it took was a Code Green. Darcy had met the Hulk, who was _much_ easier to befriend than Bruce was. When he’d turned back into his usual self, Darcy had been a reasonable human being and had treated Bruce like he was, too. After that, he’d let some of the professionalism drop away in favor of friendship.)

It was about then that she met Natasha and Clint. Well. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that it was about then that Natasha and Clint kidnapped her, spent two months trying to kill her, and somehow became her friends in the process.

She was _not_ a fan of ‘intensive training,’ but she had to admit they had a point; she was friends with three—now five—of the six Avengers, which made her a target. And, well… it’s not like she _minded_ being a card-carrying BAMF. It was just _becoming_ one that sucked.

But, extra perk: the BAMF card (and her friendship with the majority of the Avengers) came with access to the Avengers’ common area.

 

* * *

 

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but it sure wasn’t this. ‘This’ being Steve Rogers, sitting on the floor and laughing slightly as a kitten climbed all over him.

The second her brain recovered from cuteness overload, she said, “You are adorable and I want ten of you.”

He froze for a moment, then stood and turned to face her, with one hand on the kitten to keep it stable. “Are you talking to me or the cat?”

It was her turn to freeze. “Um. You. Mostly.”

“Well, I’m afraid I don’t know how to make copies of myself. Will one be enough?”

She laughed. “Yeah, I think I can get by with just one Soulmate.”

He smiled, and _wow_. Just… wow. “Good. I’m not sure Tony’s kitchen staff could handle having ten of me around.”

"If your appetite is anything like Thor's, I'd have to agree."

 

* * *

 

"So do you mind if I—"

He smiled and handed her the kitten. "Here. His name is Rocket."

**Author's Note:**

> The response to this series has just been... wow. Just, thank you, so much, for the kudos, for the bookmarks, and for the comments. I know I don't reply, but I read them, and they make me smile every single time. :)
> 
> If you have any words you'd like to see, let me know!


End file.
